Category Archives: weight

Recovery Tip Tuesdays: Throw out Your Old Jeans!*

jeansThat’s right, I said it.

Yes, I’m talking about that all-hallowed, smallest-size-you-ever-fit-into jeans.

Yes, those!

(Or donate them to some nice organization. ¬†Whatever you prefer ūüôā )

I feel like that revered pair of jeans is a part of most women’s closets. ¬†They even made a Sex and the City episode about it (Remember, when Miranda fit into her No Excuses jeans from high school and instantly was able to flirt with a hot guy? ¬†Funny episode, but c’mon.).

Why, you ask?

If you hold onto a pair of jeans that is smaller than what you are now, you will always be comparing yourself to that number. ¬†You’ll always be wishing you were that size again. ¬†You’ll always be wanting to be smaller. ¬†And, as our great friend the Buddha taught us, distress and unhappiness take place when we reside in the “wanting” of anything. ¬†When we accept where we are now, we are happier (and I’m betting, if you actually want to lose some weight in a healthy way, it will come off easier when you stop thinking about numbers in general. ¬†Throw away the jeans, put away the scale, stop counting calories or fat grams or sugar grams or WHATEVER.)

A personal anecdote –

I had this size (bleep!) skirt that I bought sophomore year in high school. ¬†It was blue satin, was bought in Harvard Square, and everyone commented on how thin I looked in it. ¬†Years later, when I was a few sizes up, I still had it. ¬†It sat in the back of the closet and teased me. ¬†It taunted me. ¬†“Why aren’t you this weight?” it said.

So, I got sick of its bullshit and threw it out.

Today, I have a closet that’s full of stretchy, one-size-fits-most type clothing. ¬†It works for me.

Today, I’m throwing the question out to you guys – what tips have worked in your quest for good body image?

*Remember, what works for me may not work for you.  Proceed at your own risk.

Blissful Body Fridays: Your “Perfect” Weight



Spotted this on 16nite’s¬†Tumblr site. ¬†Cannot claim this as a Bruce original!

Have a great weekend, folks, and be good to yourselves!

Recovery Tip Tuesdays: Set Point Theory

acceptanceGood ol’ set point theory. ¬†What is it?

The idea that all of our bodies have their unique set point, a number, give or take 5-10 lbs, that our body likes to reside at when it’s healthy and we’re feeding it well.

One of the biggest breakthroughs I experienced in my ED recovery was accepting my set point.

(Which is a tall order, I do realize.  Acceptance can be a bit of a bitch to work through)

And my set point is pretty average. ¬†Coming from a family of Irish-German “Campbell Soup Kids”, I realized I was never going to be 110 lbs soaking wet (sorry for the rare number), once I was able to see through the irrationalities of my eating disorder. ¬†It just wasn’t going to happen, unless I engaged in superhuman exercise and dangerous restriction every day. ¬†Which, was alarming to my ED at first. ¬†My ED wanted to fight my body. ¬†Screw you, it said to my body. ¬†I’ll show you. ¬†You can be different.

However, once I accepted it, set point theory was…relaxing, actually. ¬†It comforted me, because if I fed my body the way my nutritionist told me to, it would never screw me over. ¬†It would never put me at an obese weight I feared…it would put me right where I belong.

(But there was quite a fight to get to that acceptance.  Think: A crying, binging sometimes, scratching, screaming fight.)

I still have to check myself fairly daily on this when my ED starts luring me into lesser-weight land.

What do you think?  Have you accepted your body type, your set point?  If not, what steps do you have to take to obtain that acceptance?

*What works for me may not work for you.  Proceed at your own risk.


Three Reasons Why This Blog Will Never Be Popular.


I’ve spent a long time thinking about how I can market this blog, make it bigger, more accessible, increase the traffic so it can reach more ED sufferers and those in recovery (from bad body image or an ED), and I’ve concluded –

This blog will never be popular.

This is not pessimistic, this is a realistic viewpoint.

And these are my reasons why:


1. ¬†Some readers think I’m pro-fat. ¬†I’m not. ¬†I’m pro-health. ¬†And sometimes being healthy also means being overweight. ¬†Given that the current trend is panicking about any “bad” foods or “bad” eating patterns, this “grey-area” blog is not going to go viral anytime soon in this all or nothing thinking world. ¬†(“Either you’re fat and unhealthy or thin and healthy!” ¬†Nope, nope, that’s just not true. ¬†And what about emotional health?)


2. ¬†People LOVE trends. ¬†LOVE. ¬†¬†What’s more appealing than a new quick fix all the cool kids are trying out? ¬†Let’s take an example – Paleo. ¬†(Just using that because it seems to be the “trendiest” right now.) ¬†Can some people turn this into a permanent lifestyle? ¬†Very few, I think. ¬†The thing about trends is that they’re never sustainable. ¬†History has proven it. ¬†Powdered faces with the hairline shaven back? ¬†Gone with the medieval times. ¬†Or something. ¬†White lipstick? ¬†My mother dabbled with it in the sixties. ¬†Paleo? ¬†Probably gone just as quick. ¬†

Now, is Paleo healthy? ¬†Absolutely, parts of it. ¬†But it’s the fact that it’s a trend that will ultimately be the demise of it. ¬†Something else will come along that people will latch onto and try. ¬†and it will be left in the dust. ¬†

My blog doesn’t focus on trends – it asks you to do the longterm, day-at-a-time work. ¬†The internal work, not the “change your outsides so you have a temporary high” work. ¬†


3. ¬†Diets Make Money. ¬†I could google it, but I’m going to assume that the diet industry makes millions of dollars each year off of people buying into their particular cookbooks, their programs, and low-carb cheesecakes. ¬†So, when I say they’re bullshit, this will obviously earn a quick snub from most viewers. Why? ¬†They invested money in a product and they don’t want to be told it was for nothing, or for little, or for temporarily. ¬†They want that investment to mean something. ¬†And I’m threatening that. ¬†


So, that’s part of why I think this blog will never be popular. ¬†

(Like not being popular has ever stopped me before….)

And an anecdote to finish this off. ¬†Recently, I was sitting with my therapist, and said, “You know, I think I’ve found the secret to a healthy weight and healthy life.”

“And what is that?” ¬†She asked.

“Not worrying about it,” I replied.

She smiled.

Recovery Tip Tuesdays: Avoiding Fashion Magazines

When I was 15 and obsessed with Hollywood, I LOVED fashion magazines.  I pored through them, gazing longingly at the designer outfits that hung off the waif-thin frames.  I was entranced by all of it.  I wanted to be a part of it.  I felt like I could obtain the celebrity they had because of the massive amount of weight I had lost already.  I was that thin.


But as time went on, I became sicker from my disease and found that keeping up with the Kate Moss’s and the Halle Berry’s of the world became harder and harder. ¬†I started to resent myself whenever I saw them or leafed through InStyle, because I wasn’t measuring up. ¬†I was heavier. ¬†I became disgusted with myself.

And when I finally started to recover, I noticed that picking up those magazines was like a slippery slope back into comparison-world. ¬†I didn’t have the clothes they had. ¬†I was 20 lbs. heavier than some movie stars. ¬†The head would start spinning.

So today, I don’t read them at all.* ¬†You probably know by now that a study¬†was done back in 2007 that proved that women, regardless of weight, feel worse about themselves after looking at a fashion mag.

That being said…I had to mention something my friend Liz passed along today (trigger warning)

The latest issue of Allure mentioned Zoe Saldana’s weight on the COVER. ¬†Unnecessary, yes?

Sorta like, “Hey, look at her! ¬†She’s tiny and we thought we’d just shove it in your faces and remind you!”

Ugh, yet another reason to steer clear.

* What works for me may not work for you.  Proceed at your own risk.

Media Mondays: The Abercrombie and Fitch Debacle

So by now we’ve all heard about the Abercrombie and Fitch ridiculousness. ¬†Let’s review a couple of facts/key players.

There’s this guy, Mike Jeffries, the CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch –



And he said this –

“In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids. Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely.”

He also said –

“I don’t want our core customers to see people who aren’t as hot as them wearing our clothing.”

And A&F does not provide women’s XL sizes OR pant sizes above a size 10. ¬†Which is stupid, because people’s mere height can warrant a size 12, but I digress.

OK, so, the best point I can think of is the one my friend Brennan said. ¬†She said something like, “I think the psychopathology is pretty clear here.”

She’s right. ¬†I mean, he’s 65, and appears to have had a lot of plastic surgery done. ¬†HE appears to be the one with the image problem, not US.

He reminds me a lot of the guy who wrote Maggie Goes On A Diet, which I blogged about here.  The guy who wrote that book had weight issues of his own at one point, if I remember correctly, and then proceeded to project his shit all onto 8 year old girls who should supposedly lose weight and then magically gain self-worth (basic plot of the book).

So, I’m guessing Mike Jeffries is the same. ¬†Mike Jeffries was unpopular at some point, or was “fat”, or was “ugly”, and rose above it in his mind by changing his appearance and creating a company who markets only to the pretty person he’s always wanted to be.

So do we need to be mad at Mike Jeffries?

(Well, duh, at least a little bit. ¬†I mean, I did scream, “BOYCOTT! ¬† BOYCOTT!” ¬†in front of the A&F store at the Burlington Mall, embarassing my boyfriend and brother – )

Not really.

Yup, that’s right. ¬†We need to feel sorry for him. ¬†Because somewhere, way below the money and power and Botox, there is a little boy who is screaming to be liked. ¬†To be approved of.

And that’s his shit. ¬†Not ours. ¬†We are doing just fine.

(Image provided by



Blissful Body Fridays!

imagesHappy Friday, all! ¬†I hope you’re having a great one. ¬†My daughter and I spent the morning at a music group, and a friend is stopping by for a visit later on. ¬†Good stuff.

So, I don’t know if this is blissful, Media-Monday worthy, or just plain realistic, but I found this article on my friend Jen’s FB page. ¬†In it, it shows comparisons of Hollywood celebrities during photo shoots, and then during day to day activities (ie. without any photoshopping or makeup). ¬†I sort of feel bad for posting it, because it’s almost more of the same (critiquing women’s bodies), but at the same time, I’m betting the celebrities are often willing participants in the Hollywood “game” and I feel it’s important for us “normals” to have a reality check on how, well, they look just like us. ¬†All I know is that it helped me to reality-check myself, because we usually take these airbrushed images at face value. ¬†Let me know what you think – triggering, or helpful?

Here’s the link!

Have a good one, folks!

(Image provided by photocine)


A little bit of both is health, IMO...

My Toddler Knows About Dunkin’ Donuts (And Other Non-Atrocities)

A little bit of both is health, IMO...
A little bit of both is health, IMO…

Every day I’m convinced I’m going to give my 16 month old an eating disorder.

Which is stupid, really, because it’s not just one thing that causes one – but the fact that I’m recovered from one ups the ante a little bit.

Let me give you an example:

Every week, my daughter has her play group and like one week out of the month we stop to get Dunkin’ Donuts right before (me: iced french vanilla with cream, you know it, and her: one or two munchkins ((crazy baby doesn’t seem to care either way for them. ¬†WHAT??)) ¬†This morning, as I narrated her life, as I do maniacally every day, I said absentmindedly, “So we’ll get in the car and we’ll stop at Dunkin Donuts.”

She halted.  Her head swiveled and her eyes lit up.

I guess she cared more about those sprinkles-encrusted balls of goodness than I previously thought.

And my head went into a mindspin. ¬†Is this why she’s in the 90th percentile? ¬†She’s going to get bombarded by obesity comments at the doctor’s in a couple of years. ¬†I’m so bad for giving her sugar, at all? ¬†I’m going to parent hell! ¬†I might as well be Honey Boo Boo’s mom! ¬†I might as well set up camp at McDonald’s. ¬†I’m ruining my daughter’s future!!!!!!

And then I stop, take a pretend Xanax, and reality-check myself.

First, I try to remember my therapist’s words (“It’d be pretty hard to force food to a baby, Amanda”). ¬†Then, I remember that I feed my baby quinoa on a regular basis.

(You should have seen it when I tried to explain what it was to my mother.  She kept going, Kinney?  Quinna?  Finally I had to tell her to remember Joaquin Phoenix but backwards.)

(Some might even call me a “Quinoa Mom” – horrors)

And I mix spinach into her sweet potato so my fruit-lover will get some much-needed vegetables as well. ¬†And I buy those overpriced organic pouches so she’ll eat SOMETHING nutritious on a day when all she wants is cheese in 1/2 inch squares only. ¬†And, I don’t keep juice in the house. ¬† And over my dead body will she have soda.

I think my downfall is comparing myself to those gluten-free-paleo-vegan-vegetarian-GMO free mothers who don’t let a drop of sugar pass into their kids’ sacred bodies. ¬†But that’s kind of redonk, because a. ¬†I’m never going to be that kind of mother and b. ¬†I don’t, personally, think that’s healthy. ¬†Do I think kids should snack on Happy Meals regularly? ¬†No way. ¬†But do I think they should enjoy the occasional bowl of ice cream that you can get messy in and smash all over your face? ¬†Absolutely. ¬†That’s part of being a kid.

And lastly, I try to remember the work I did on myself that brought me to the place where I don’t attach moral value to food, and the valuable lesson I will pass on to her.

So, I think I’m doing ok. ¬†In spite of the neuroticism.

My Body!

Media Mondays: My Body Gallery

Happy Monday! ¬†I’m gonna take a break from my “media watchdog” status and post something from the media that is BODY POSITIVE – or at least, I think so. ¬†My fabulous friend Liz let me know about the My Body Gallery, a site that is dedicated to portraying an accurate depiction of what REAL women look like. ¬†The coolest part, in my opinion, is the place where you can type in your height and weight and see pictures of other real women. ¬†For the women I spoke to, this was a wakeup call – as in, “Hey I look better than I thought!” ¬†Why? ¬†Because often we view ourselves more negatively than we do others. ¬†However this could be a trigger for some – so you have been warned.


So click away!


Have a great Monday, folks!


Do You Want Your Blog Linked On Mine?

Hey all!


I’m looking to link a bunch of Recovery Blogs on my “Links” page. ¬†I’m all for the ED Recovery community connecting and supporting each other. ¬†So, if you want your link on my page, you should meet only a few requirements:

1.  Have a pro-recovery blog (no pro-ana or mia sites, please)

2.  On this blog entry, submit your blog URL.  I will post it!

3. ¬†Comment on another blog that’s ¬†linked on my “Links”¬†page.


That’s it…link up my friends!